5 Lessons to learn from MY DARK VANESSA

 5 lessons to learn from MY DARK VANESSA

The story of My dark vanessa spins around a girl- Vanessa at two different time tangents: one where she is 15 years old and the other 17 years later [the present].

She came across a victim of abuse who is claiming the culprit to be Vanessa’s former teacher, first love and abuser. Vanessa who has manipulatively romanticized sexual abuse is adamant of not victimising herself.

She falls in love with her 32 years old English teacher at the age of 15 and ever since she is traumatised in love. The book imparts light on the psychological perspective of a victim who according to her is in love with her abuser.

Well, apart from the serious subjects this book deals with, there are numerous lessons one can learn.

1. Do not risk everything for a little bit of something beautiful

As Kate Elizabeth Russell penned in her book, people will risk everything for a little bit of something beautiful is undeniably true. This book very graciously teaches how not to lose yourself even for someone who makes you feel like the whole world. The girl wrecks her youth, her life, her family and hers what not for a superficial love that only doomed her entirely because she let it, risk it.

The part of her life where she says, “it’s strange to know that whenever I remember myself at fifteen, I’ll think of this.”

Her life belonged her with Strane, her demolisher, being the writer.

“seven years of my life defined by this. When I look back, I won’t see anything else”

2. Don’t do anything you don’t want to do

Numerous controversial statements have been reviewed against the book. A handful of them includes “the girl allowed it”, “she clearly said yes”, “she wanted it”

Ironically the fact is the narrator believed them too.

What she liked was the devoted attention, the special treatment, the feeling of being noticed and being showered with affection. Strane love bombed her to rape her. She wanted the love not the assault. She fantasied him as someone who he wasn’t.

3. Take deeds into consideration but words

She trusted him with every once of her being because she was too young and too gaslighted to interpret the life she had.

Vanessa was derived towards him because he made her feel special, the different, the someone. She collected words to convince her inner self and dropped the terrible actions he did.

“He chose me not because I was special, but because he was hungry and I was easy”

Everything that she refused to believe in was crystal clear in front of her for all the time being. She just kept convincing herself that he loves her. Remember, if you have to convince yourself it’s no love.

4. Never minimise the feelings that are needed to be exaggerated

The protagonist minimises every reaction of an exaggerated action because she kept defending the cause of it.

“knowing you, Vanessa, I think you’re more likely to minimise than exaggerate”

she forced not to victimise herself because her subconscious kept resounding her with contradictory bubbles of thoughts.

“so, when a woman chooses victimhood, she is therefore freed from personal responsibility, which then compels others to take care of her, which is why once a woman chooses victimhood, she will continue to choose it again and again.” 

No matter how hard you crave it to be a love story, just don’t let your own story diminish with that.

5. Dwelling in feelings is no way to live

Life offers endless signs to move on and to seek for help, but we just dwell over feelings of melancholy because the satisfaction it provides is all we are tempted for.

“Mom says dwelling in feelings is no way to live, that there will always be something to be upset about and the secret to a happy life is not to let yourself be dragged down into negativity.”

Also read: how to read more books

There are some other lessons too, but I needed this piece of writing to be short. So, these are all I could mention here.

Have you read this book? 

If yes, what are some of the lessons you gained? Let me know in the comment section. I would love to read them.

Stop being sheepish and comment below.